I feel trapped..

So today during the day, i got this heavy feeling like i was trapped in a tiny room and i had no where to go. It made me so darn depressed. I was so down that the littlest thing made me cry, i usually never cry for no reason, except when my Annoying red headed aunt comes into town once a month. So i was thinking why i was feeling like this and its because i want out of my In-Laws and in my own place but we have NO money to move. Well we could do it with our tax return or wait until, when pigs fly, in April or May. I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG!!! The more and more i am here the more and more i get depressed. I start hating my life, church, even family. I HATE it here. Don't get me wrong i Absolutely love my in laws. They help a bunch and have helped in many ways, but its getting to the point that its getting super bad. Every thing now gets on my nerves and it never used to. I am now glad to go to work, when i avoided it. I baracade my self in my room when i am home. It is getting really bad. I get my hope up and they get crushed like a Semi running over an ant. You would think that i would learn not to get my hopes up considering my past. (GRRRR!!!) I never learn. I am just not happy any more. I put on a front of looking happy and everything is Happy-go-lucky, but inside i am so hurt and nothing is helping. I needed to get this out some how and this is like my journal. Its the only thing i trust that wont JUDGE me for my feelings. I am at the very end of my rope like the last string at the end of the rope. Sorry for this post but it needed to come out or i would have blown up at a few people. If anyone has any suggestions, ANY at all, please feel free to share. xoxo